My Approach to Sex Therapy
In sex therapy, we look beyond “what’s wrong” and instead get curious about the relational and emotional context of desire. Desire doesn’t exist in a vacuum—it’s shaped by safety, stress, identity, power, novelty, and how we experience ourselves in relationship.
Drawing from Esther Perel’s work, therapy explores the tension between closeness and autonomy, recognizing that intimacy thrives when there is both connection and space. Long-term relationships often struggle not because love is gone, but because familiarity can dampen erotic energy. Together, we explore how routine, roles, resentment, and unspoken dynamics may be impacting desire—and how curiosity, playfulness, and differentiation can help reawaken it.
We also normalize the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Many people believe desire should appear “out of the blue,” when in reality, desire often emerges in response to connection, touch, emotional safety, or intentional initiation. Having responsive desire does not mean something is wrong with you—it means your body and nervous system need the right conditions to feel open to intimacy.
Therapy offers a supportive space to:
Reduce shame and self-blame
Improve communication around intimacy and needs
Understand individual and relational desire patterns
Rebuild connection in ways that feel authentic and consensual
The goal is not to force desire, but to create the conditions where intimacy can naturally grow.
